Are You Disappointed At God?

Are You Disappointed At God?

By Lois Amari

Do you have unmet expectations, unfulfilled dreams, unanswered prayers, or failed relationships? Do you feel that God has failed you and are you disappointed at Him?

We all pass through hardships and tribulations; we may have at least one unfulfilled dream, several unanswered prayers, emotional wounds, failures, and you name it. However, some of us emerge from these hardships with a stronger faith, and some with a weaker faith. In fact, I have noticed that there are three ways one can react to life’s disappointments: (1) loses his faith in God altogether and rebels against him, (2) remains believing in God but develops a faulty image of who God is, (3) or remains trusting in the Lord and continues to believe in his sovereignty, goodness, and love. I have seen all these reactions in people. I have seen the outward rebellion against God where a person at times even doubts the existence of God, ceases to believe that the Bible is the Word of God, and sometimes tries to deliberately disobey God and break his commandments. One lady told me, “When I became a born-again Christian, I put myself on the side and let God lead my life. Now, I want to put God on the side and I want to live life my own way.” This lady felt that God had failed her. She felt that God’s ways didn’t work; it didn’t bring her happiness for sure, and she was tired of not making her own decisions. She felt she would be better off taking things in her own hand. God is too slow in answering prayers and getting things done, and even when he gets things done, his ways don’t bring total happiness.

Other people remain believing in God, but they lose their faith in his sovereignty and his involvement in their lives. God no longer has a plan for their lives, and therefore, they no longer need to seek his will. It is up to them now to work hard to get things done their way. God is still there and he may still loves them, but God left all the decision making process to them. And there are others who remain believing that God is still in control regardless of what happens. He directs and permits all things that they go through for their good.

Why different people have different reactions to life’s disappointments? Below are some reasons to help us understand this:

The Seeking of Personal Happiness and Avoidance of Pain

People whose goal in life is their happiness and their own personal well-being get easily disappointed at God. If anyone should have been disappointed at God, it should have been Paul the apostle. He was persecuted, imprisoned, experienced pain, hunger, danger, etc., as he described in his second letter to the Corinthians: “I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked” (2 Corinthians 11:23-27). He had no wife to share his life with like the rest of the apostles such as Peter (1 Corinthians 9:4). He wasn’t a handsome man; on the contrary, he was very unpleasant to look at due to his illness to the point that he thanked one of the churches for accepting him and not looking at him with scorn and contempt (Galatians 4:14). Bible experts believed that he had some sort of a disease such as polio and this disease was his thorn in the flesh (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). What kept Paul from not losing his faith? Could it be the reality of the person of Christ in his life and the reality of the cross and the empty tomb? Could it also be that Paul’s purpose in life was not starting a family, having a fulfilling marriage life, living comfortably, having a good health, having a nice house with a large library, having an office building for his ministry, but his purpose was simply to live for Christ, whatever that entailed? When Paul examined any circumstance that may be deemed disappointing by many, the question was always whether this circumstance lead to the advancement of the Gospel. While he was in prison, he wrote to the church in Philippi telling them that his current circumstances are good. Why? Because he said, “Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly” (Philippians 1:12-14). For us, we are disappointed because we evaluate our circumstances in terms of not if they lead to the advancement of the gospel, but if they lead to the advancement of our career, our financial status, our marriage prospects, our health, etc. Yes, we are disappointed at God when we are consumed by our desires to pursue earthly happiness.

We should live our life to the one who gave us his own life: “If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living” (Romans 14:7-9), “And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again” (2 Corinthians 5:15). Paul’s motto was always: “For me, to live is Christ” (Philippians 1:21). His passion for Christ and to live for him did not just prevent him from getting disappointed from the hardships of life, but also made him willing – even to choose – to go through hardships if they would expand the kingdom of God and bring glory to the Lord. Paul wrote, “I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace” (Acts 20:23-24).

Having a False Viewpoint of the Earthly Life

Disappointment also results from having a distorted view of the earthly life. We forget that this earth is cursed and its inhabitants are sinful people. No persons, including Christians, are exempt from experiencing the consequences of the fall. Each one of us will certainly encounter one or more of the following during his or her lifetime: illness, injustice, loneliness, separation from loved ones, abuse, poverty, violence, rape, murder, wars, and you name it. Some pain will be inflicted on us by strangers, some by relatives even our fathers and mothers, some by evil men, some by Christians and even by our spiritual leaders and heros of the faith, and some by those whom we love and trust most. We should not blame God for what is happening in this fallen earth. All of this is a result of sin, which God opposes. God has made provision for the redemption of our sins and he will redeem this fallen state one day. If we put our hope in a fallen world, we will in no short time be surely disappointed.

As Christians, we, among all people, should be aware of the fallen state of mankind. We should not be surprised if cancer knocks our door, if poverty became a permanent resident in our house, if loved ones leave our lives, etc., as the Bible clearly instructs: “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you” (1 Peter 4:12). Jesus said, “In this world, you will have trouble.” Although Christ has forewarned us about trouble and trials, he has also promised to be with us always and walk with us in these trialing times.

Let us keep meditating on the promises of God to uphold us when we experience the consequences of this fallen world. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2), rather than on people (even Christian people). Last and not least, let us keep our eyes on the glory of heavens rather than the earthly sufferings: “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18), “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18).

Failure in the Relationship with the Opposite Sex

The number one reason Christians get disappointed at God and their disappointments lead to outward rebellion against God is not because of fatal illnesses, poverty, wars, but because of failure in their relationship with the opposite sex. Why is this issue the most prevalent one when it comes to both the frequency of disappointments and the degree of rebellion?

Most people feel that their deepest inner emotional needs can only be fulfilled through marital intimacy, and apart of marriage they will never experience true love. They feel that through marital intimacy they will get rid of their deepest fears, they will receive total acceptance and hence eliminate their self-doubts and increase their self-esteem, they will be loved like never before, they will be able to be transparent in all areas of their lives, no more secrets, no more loneliness, no more emotional voidance, etc. Some even feel that marriage will eliminate their spiritual struggles and strengthen their relationship with God. Since childhood people strive to reach this state. Most even put their lives on hold waiting for someone to come along so they can start living again. No wonder that when they fail at this particular area, it becomes a great disappointment. This failure will be their greatest unfulfilled dream.

But why is this disappointment directed at God? This disappointment becomes directed at God when we hold him responsible for the choices we made. We hold God responsible, first, when we feel he told us to marry someone and the relationship didn’t happen. How many times we fall in love with a person believing this love is from God, and then later that person marries someone else and leaves us with nothing but emotional pain, shame, and many wasted years? But isn’t God love and isn’t he the one who puts this love in our heart? Sometimes we even have our own reservations about that person, but we pray and God gives us peace. Why does God give us peace or direct us toward relationships that fail? Why does he allow us to go through such emotional trials?

Second, we hold God responsible if we thought he directed us into marrying someone and then that marriage failed. Many times we enter into a relationship after years of prayers and after clearly being directed by God, yet this relationship ends up being a miserable experience – even a nightmare. Why God allows – even wills for – us to go through this? Doesn’t he care enough to prevent this union?

Third, we hold God responsible when we feel that our decisions that are being made based on spiritual principles and with God’s glory in mind keep us from experiencing marital intimacy. How many times we could have chosen the physically attractive, the rich, and the famous; however we chose the spiritual as God directed us, and then later our godly choice didn’t work? What about the relationships we sought because we felt that union will be good for the ministry and for his glory, yet the union didn’t work? What about the men and women that came into our lives but we said no to them because they were not believers, or we felt they were not from God, and now at age 40 and 50 we are still singles. We trusted God to choose for us our spouse, and we still have no one. Doesn’t he care about this area of our life? Why isn’t he bringing forth a husband or a wife for us? Why doesn’t he fulfill our deepest needs?

When we have wrong expectations of marriage and hold God or his commandments responsible for our choices, we will definitely be disappointed at him.

Although marriage is good; however, it is an institution made of sinful men and women. Both are selfish and seeking their own happiness and at the same time they are different from one another and at times have conflicting wishes, philosophies, interests, etc. What we long for in a marriage partner can only be achieved if we marry a robot with no feelings, no wishes, no opinion; a robot designed to be 100% compatible with us and programmed with the ability to understand us, even when we don’t understand ourselves, a robot who doesn’t run out of battery and has no programming glitches and whose mission is to serve us and please us at every instant of our life. Even if such a person exists, he or she will be harmful to our spiritual growth, because we are called to change day after day and become more like Christ, and it takes conflicts within marriage to achieve this. We also need to learn to rely on Christ to meet our emotional needs.

It is true that God might lead us into a relationship, which later may end up in failure; however, we, not God, are responsible for the failures in our relationships. Marriage requires hard work, sacrifice, prayers, and dying to one self; we cannot blame God for failure in our marriage if we don’t do our part. If you feel you are in a miserable relationship, confess to God your sins, especially the sin of selfishness, and start working on your marriage.

At times, many singles do honor the Lord in their lives, yet God seems not to bring forth a mate for them. It is very possible marriage is not part of God’s plan for their lives. One needs to trust the Lord and his goodness. His plans are the best. What about the times when God told us to marry someone and it didn’t happen? This brings us to another reason why people get disappointed at God, as explained below.

Not Discerning God’s Will Accurately

Many get disappointed at God because they are not capable of discerning God’s will properly. They once believed that God told them to do something and when this thing didn’t happen or didn’t result in the expected outcome, they lost trust in God. Some even outwardly rebelled at God. I know of a Christian man who was deeply in love with a woman at church, and believed that God had clearly told him that she would be his wife. He was very convinced of this. When the woman married another man, he stopped coming to church.

The problem is that we value our feelings or circumstantial evidences and incidental events, such as getting a scriptural verse by randomly opening the Bible, more than the clear evidence of a permanently closed door. Why don’t we accept the permanent closing of a door as an indication, even a strong and final indication, of his will? Many times, the reason is because we are not sincerely seeking his will. Any time we seek God’s will it means we have the readiness to go either way, to accept a closed or an open door. All other communications based on feelings or incidental events may be caused by our own obsessions and strong desires. Many times it is this passion and infatuation with another person, ministry, career, dream, or anything else prevents us to hear the voice of the Lord clearly.

Unanswered Prayers

Some get disappointed at God from having unanswered prayers. They now doubt that God listens to prayers and actually answers them. How could a loving God, who claims to be our Father, not hear the prayers that we left up to him feverishly and that were poured with tears for many years? If someone needs to be disappointed at God it was Abraham. We think that he prayed and God answered his prayers in the amount of time it takes us to read several chapters in Genesis. Don’t we know that these chapters translate into years and years of unanswered prayers? Some people’s prayers were never answered indefinitely.

Let us remember that unanswered prayers are a great evidence of God’s love and goodness. God can easily answer all our prayers and become more popular with us. However, his goodness and infinite wisdom prevents him from doing such a thing. Let us trust in our heavenly father, who is infinitely better than our earthly fathers. “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him” (Matthew 7:11).

Pride

It is so amazing that people who rebel the most against God are proud people. Proud people get easily disappointed at God for several reasons. First, proud people believe that they have entitlements to a life with earthly blessings. Some believe their high spirituality is a ticket for a life with no disappointments. When tragedies hit their life, they ask “Why me?” Instead of asking this question when God blesses them, as the Apostle Paul said, “For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God” (1 Corinthians 15:9). When we have the attitude that “I am not better than the rest of the people,” then when bad things happen, as they happen to the rest of the human race, we will not ask “Why me?” and get disappointed at God.

Proud people also don’t look at their sins and weaknesses, but look at others faults. They never take accountability for their mistakes, but blame others for their mistake. How many times, we heard people blaming their sinful lifestyle, lack of spiritual growth, or lack of involvement in the ministry on strong Christians and church leaders? They don’t go to church because of some Christian at Church, they sin against God because a Christian has offended them and made do so, and they remain in sin because they say that Christians will never accept them back; it is always others fault and it is never because of their ungodly desires, undisciplined lifestyle, and their lack of commitment to prayer and Bible reading. Proud people don’t take accountability for their mistakes and that’s why they blame others, including God and get disappointed at him.

Proud people think they are smarter than the rest of the Christians, even at times smarter than God. As such they have a tendency to rely on the flesh and not on the Holy Spirit. They are impatient, demanding, wanting their will and wanting it right away. One thing I noticed about people who get disappointed at God, is that they tend to indulge in worldly philosophies, not knowing that such philosophies will lead them astray and make them more disappointed. When we don’t follow God’s way and go our own way, eventually we will be greatly disappointed.

Finally, pride itself brings disappointments because it takes away the grace of God and brings the judgment of the Lord. Meditate on the following verses: “He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble” (Proverbs 3:34), “The LORD detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished” (Proverbs 16:5), “Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor” (Proverbs 18:12).

Reliance on Emotions, Rather Than the Word of God

When we base our theology on personal experiences rather than the word of God we may end up with a wrong picture of who God is. We may loose trust in his providence, in his love, and in his sovereignty. Don’t try to fit your theology to your experience.

God has revealed himself to us through the scripture. Satan tries to deceive us and make us doubt God’s goodness and wisdom, as he once made Eve doubt God’s goodness. We need to continue being founded in the word of God so we can fight Satan’s lies.

Conclusion

If you are disappointed at God, you need, first, to talk to him about your disappointments. Don’t run away from him, but run to him and tell him that you are disappointed. Pour out your feelings to him. If you cannot pray as you used to, a simple sentence such as “Why Lord?” prayed daily is a good starting point. When the godly men in the Bible faced problems, the first thing they did was to run to God and ask him “Why”:

“Why have you made me your target? Have I become a burden to you? Why do you not pardon my offenses and forgive my sins? For I will soon lie down in the dust; you will search for me, but I will be no more." (Job 7:20-21)

“Why do the wicked live on, growing old and increasing in power? They see their children established around them, their offspring before their eyes.” (Job 21:7-8)

“Why, O LORD, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1)

“Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression?” (Psalms 44:24)

“Your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate wrong. Why then do you tolerate the treacherous? Why are you silent while the wicked swallow up those more righteous than themselves?” (Habakkuk 1:13)

Even the Lord Jesus asked the question “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” while he was on the cross. It is never wrong to ask the Lord “Why”, what is wrong and dangerous is to give him the silent treatment. You need to develop the habit of having an open communication with the Lord.

Second, allow the Lord to talk to you and respond to your heart’s questions through the Scripture. The most important cure is the Word of God. The Word of God is a living word that enters into a person’s being and heals and changes him. “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). If you want to avoid disappointments, keep meditating on the word of God.

Third, remember that being rebellious at God won’t solve your problems. It won’t make you happier again. You do need God. God is your ally.

Fourth, confess your sins of rebellion. Many times, the root of disappointment is sin. Maybe you were self-centered, too much obsessed with your earthly needs than seeking his kingdom and righteousness, you may had many idols in your life, you probably were a proud person, or ignorant of who God is and his teachings. Whatever the reason you are disappointed at God, you need to come and confess your sins. It is time to come back repenting.

Finally, let us remember that there is a daily battle of faith, where our faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty is being attacked, challenged, and tested daily. We need to fight the good fight of faith. I will leave you with Paul’s admonition to Timothy:

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen. (2 Timothy 6:6-16)

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Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®.Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. All rights reserved throughout the world. Used by permission of International Bible Society.