How to Defeat Sexual Sins

Defeating Sexual Immorality

By Lois Amari

Today, our world is saturated with sexual temptations. Tolerance to sexual sins in its various forms is on the rise. It seems that the all educational and entertainment programs are designed to increase our acceptance of sexual immorality. Accessibility to the means and tools needed to commit sexual sins has also increased. Access to sexual materials or partners is just a click away on the computer, a phone call away, or just a short trip to a bar. With the increase of sexual temptations, tolerance to sexual immortality, and accessibility to sexual partners, a Christian can no longer rely on society to help him or her avoid sexual sins. He or she has to be responsible to guard themselves from all form of sexual sins. This article provides several practical solutions that will help you avoid falling into sexual sins and overcome them if you are currently struggling with such sins.

Know What God Feels About Sexual Sins

The first step to avoid sexual immorality or to overcome it if you are currently struggling with it is to understand how God feels about sexual sins. We read in Paul’s first letter to the Thessalonians:

1 Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. 2 For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.

3 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4: 1- 8)

As noted in verse 1, Paul here is talking to the believers for he addressed this letter and this section in particular to the “brothers.” Few things to note from the above passage:

1. Sexual sins are against God’s will, as we see in verses 3 and 4: “It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable.”

2. God sees fornication and adultery as taken advantage of other people; verse 6A reads, “And that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.” Here “this matter” in verse 6A refers to sexual immortality. Anytime you have a sexual relationship with another person other than your spouse, you are taking advantage of that person even if the act is consensual.

3. God will punish his people for sexual immoralities, as verse 6b reads, “The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.” God will not stay silent or passive when it comes to sexual sins in the lives of his children. He will see to it that they are exposed and punished, and usually he punishes publicly.

4. Sexual sin is a personal sin against God. Verse 8 reads, “Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.” Note that here Paul uses the pronoun “this” in front of “instruction” to emphasize that he is specifically talking about the instructions pertaining to sexual immorality.

Adultery is a serious sin that made it to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:14). In the Old Testament, death was the penalty of adultery (Leviticus 20:10). In the New Testament, Jesus continued to teach against adultery, even defined it in more stringent terms: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:27-28).

In the New Testament, sexual immorality in all its forms is punishable by God: “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders” 1 Corinthians 6:9; “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery…. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-20); “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4).

God takes sexual sins very seriously and so should we. If we don’t realize and believe how offensive to God such sins are, we will not be able to avoid or overcome them. If you don’t believe or accept what you have read so far about fornication and adultery and try to minimize or marginalize God’s instructions, then I believe it will be very difficult to avoid such sins. However, if you believe that this sin is offensive to God and you want to do his will and please him, continue to read for more safeguards.

Understand the Deception of Sexual Sins

Sexual sins are deceitful. They promise pleasure, love, and fulfillment but they don’t deliver and they will never deliver because God designed that the benefits of sexual intimacy be reaped only within a marriage relationship. Outside of marriage, sexual sins do not provide love or fulfillment; instead, they bring pain and suffering. Proverbs 5 warns us of the deception of adultery:

1 My son, pay attention to my wisdom,

listen well to my words of insight,

2 that you may maintain discretion

and your lips may preserve knowledge.

3 For the lips of an adulteress drip honey,

and her speech is smoother than oil;

4 but in the end she is bitter as gall,

sharp as a double-edged sword.

5 Her feet go down to death;

her steps lead straight to the grave.

6 She gives no thought to the way of life;

her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.

7 Now then, my sons, listen to me;

do not turn aside from what I say.

8 Keep to a path far from her,

do not go near the door of her house. (Proverbs 5:1-8)

Those who have fallen into such sins will attest to the deception of sexual sins.

Remember That You Will Be Caught

The majority of people are caught by their friends, their spouses, their children, or church members. Eventually, you will be caught and exposed. God will see to this. He already knows about your sin; for “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account” (Hebrews 4:13). And the Lord will expose every sin; “For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil” (Ecclesiastes 12:14). Proverbs 6 warns us that the sin of adultery will be exposed and will be punished:

27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap

without his clothes being burned?

28 Can a man walk on hot coals

without his feet being scorched?

29 So is he who sleeps with another man's wife;

no one who touches her will go unpunished.

30 Men do not despise a thief if he steals

to satisfy his hunger when he is starving.

31 Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold,

though it costs him all the wealth of his house.

32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment;

whoever does so destroys himself.

33 Blows and disgrace are his lot,

and his shame will never be wiped away; (Proverbs 6:27-33)

The Bible guarantees that the sexual immoral Christian will be caught and that his sins will not go unpunished. Keep this in your mind anytime you are tempted to sin. God will see to it that you will get caught and exposed publicly. "But if you fail to do this, you will be sinning against the LORD; and you may be sure that your sin will find you out” (Numbers 32:23).

Count the Cost of Sexual Sins

Sexual immorality in all its forms is very expensive. It cost you so much. It makes your life very hard: “the way of the unfaithful is hard” (Proverbs 13:15). It costs you your fellowship with the Lord. It destroys all areas of your life whether it is mental, emotional, and spiritual; “for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life” (Proverbs 6:26). It ruins your reputation. It brings you endless shame: “a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away” (Proverbs 6:32-33). It destroys your marriage, other marriages, and even your future marriage if you are still single. It hurts many people, even people you love the most. At times it leaves you with sexual transmitted diseases and HIV even in the absence of high risk behavior. It even leads to death. The Bible says, “Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death” (Proverbs 7:27). We all know of numerous occasions when fornication or adultery led to death. David’s adultery led to the murder of the innocent husband of Bathsheba. And how many crimes were committed by revengeful husbands, “for jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge. He will not accept any compensation; he will refuse the bribe, however great it is” (Proverbs 6:34-35)? Also, how many children were aborted because of adulterous relationships? All birth control methods do not always work. What are your plans when you impregnate your partner or when you get pregnant yourself? Are you counting on abortion?

Adultery will not give you what you are looking for. The temporary pleasure will last but few moments, but you may end up paying for it for a lifetime. Sexual sin is not worth it. The cost is too high.

You may say, I have already committed adultery and lost everything, why stop now? Let me ask you, do you want to still be away from God, or don’t you want your fellowship to be restored with Him? Do you want to continue to be emotionally, mentally, and spiritually sick or do you want to be healed? Do you want to keep hurting those you love? We never say to cancer patients, “You already have cancer and you are going to die anyway so why bother with getting treatment?” We strive to remove the cancer even if it is in its last stages. How much more, we ought to fight the cancers that attack our spirits?

Life after sexual immorality is very hard. Are you willing to pay this high cost? If you have fallen into this sin, you had paid a lot, why pay more? It is not worth it.

Do Not Minimize the Power and Stronghold of Sexual Sins

You must be familiar with the saying, “know your enemy.” To fight sexual sins, you need to recognize the stronghold this sin can have on a person. Don’t say that you are a strong person and you can handle temptations. Adultery is a very strong sin and the Bible says that all of her victims are strong people: “Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng” (Proverbs 7:26). Also know that sexual temptations are on the offense in this daily battle, and the only war plan the Lord has given us in this war against it is to flee: “Flee from sexual immorality” (1Cor 6:18). This means when the temptation comes knocking at your door in the form of a kiss, a flirtation, a sexual scene in a movie, etc., the only thing you can do to avoid being her victim is to flee.

Guard Your Heart

Sexual sin doesn’t start with a sexual intercourse; it starts first with a desire. This desire or lust in itself is sinful and need to be dealt with: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell” (Matthew 5:28-29). Don’t take the sin of lusting lightly. If you don’t deal with it, you are in the slobbery slope towards more dangerous forms of sexual sins. You need to guard your heart as the Bible tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23). How does one guard their heart? It is by keeping the Lord’s commandments in one’s heart:

20 My son, keep your father's commands

and do not forsake your mother's teaching.

21 Bind them upon your heart forever;

fasten them around your neck.

22 When you walk, they will guide you;

when you sleep, they will watch over you;

when you awake, they will speak to you.

23 For these commands are a lamp,

this teaching is a light,

and the corrections of discipline

are the way to life,

24 keeping you from the immoral woman,

from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife.

25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty

or let her captivate you with her eyes, (Proverbs 6: 20-25)

Establish Boundaries and Build Fences

The secret in fighting or avoiding sexual sins is to flee from temptation when it knocks at our door, but also to put many fences around us so that the temptation will have difficulty reaching our door. Basically, fences make this sin less accessible. You know best what are the things that tempt you, and you need to put fences around these. Here are examples of some fences that others found helpful:

1. Avoid flirting with or giving complements to people of the other sex. Your words must be absolutely pure. “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” (1 Timothy 5:1-2). Listen to your spouse and friends. If other people tell you that you are flirting, then you are flirting. You may think that complements are harmless; however, do not forget that words of affirmation including complements are one of the five love languages and they work to meet an emotional need of people of the other sex, a need that must be met by one’s spouse or family. Complements can be the start of emotional connection.

2. Avoid bad company. “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character" (1 Corinthians 15:33). Bad friends will increase your tolerance to sexual immorality. Be friends with godly people who keep you accountable.

3. Don’t spend time alone with the opposite sex.

4. Don’t provide spiritual counsel to the opposite sex. The Bible has given the job of counseling young women to older women and not to men (Titus 2:4).

5. Eliminate secrecy from your life. If you struggle with pornography, remove your television set from your bedroom so that you will not have the opportunity to watch things alone. Remove passwords from your personal computer and make your computer available to others in your family. Share your email with your spouse. Join an accountability group where you’re asked to provide a report of your struggles and victories on a regular basis.

Find Intimacy in Marriage

God has designed marriage where we can find love and satisfaction. If you are married, then you need to find love in your wife, as the Bible says, “May you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?” (Proverbs 5:18-20)

If you are a single man, consider marriage. Today there is a tendency to delay getting married unnecessarily. Marriage is a great safeguard against sexual immorality as the Bible says, “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)

Go Public and Confess Your Sins

If you have fallen into sexual sins, I believe confession is a vital step to healing. You need to confess to all those you sinned against and to a spiritual leader at your church. If you don’t go public with your sins and confess, you will always struggle with guilt. The only solution to guilt is confession.

Reflect on the Work of Christ on The Cross

Every time you are tempted to sin, think of the cross of Christ. Think of the blood that was poured for your sins. Is that how you repay his love by sinning against him and offending him? You might say “I have already done it before; it doesn’t matter anymore.” Let me ask you: do you keep hitting your wife because you already hit her once before? Isn’t each time you hit her you are hurting that person over and over again? Why hurt Christ again and again with your sins? Why make the Holy Spirit who resides in you sad? “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body….Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! …Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Cor 6:12-20).

Pray Daily about This Issue

Pray to the Lord daily to help you became victorious in this area and to protect your from temptations “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one” (Matthew 6:13). Also, pray to the Lord to fill you with the Holy Spirit. When you are filled with the Holy Spirit, you will be controlled by Him, rather by your sinful nature:

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” (Galatians 5:16 -26)

Only with the help of the Lord, you can become a godly man or woman.

_______________

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®.Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. All rights reserved throughout the world. Used by permission of International Bible Society.